A revelation from God (which I should have realised earlier, but somehow didn't):
Had been wallowing in self-pity because I didn't get the Avondale job and was absolutely crushed. The main thing that disappointed me was the fact that without the job, I would most probably have to return to Singapore at the end of the year. I don't want that. I really don't want to spend "the rest of my life" in Singapore. And then God more or less slapped me.
Ever since I found God in 1999, I have been praying "I give my life up to you God. Let me do whatever is your will." It all worked out great! God led me to Avondale, Australia, then to England...I had no need to complain. I was leaving the country and seeing the rest of the world - something I had always wanted to do. Hurrah!
Then now, without the Avondale job, it seems that God has shut the door and is wanting to me to return to Singapore. I fight with all my might against that. I get devastated and think all my dreams are crushed. I get depressed. I cried. And then God spoke.
What happened to giving my life up to God? What if it is God's will that I return to Singapore? Why am I fighting it so? Am I going back on my prayer? All the while, my dreams had coincided with God's will and that's why I believe that doing God's will has been great. And then suddenly, when I'm supposed to return to Singapore, which may be God's will, I protest. I forget that doing God's will sometimes means doing things that you're initially reluctant to.
I'm at peace now. If it's God's will that I return to Singapore. Let it be so. I don't like the prospect, but I promised to do God's will. And I'm hanging on to the promise that God is not going to let me do something I hate, or let me lead a life I'd rather not. I can't see it now. But I sincerely believe that wherever God leads, I'd be happy. He's led me this far, I've been given the opportunity to see two different continents, I really don't have much to complain about.
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